An exclusive no-holds-barred interview with FG
READ THE FULL TRANSCRIPT OF THIS EXCLUSIVE AND UNLIKELY-TO-BE-REPEATED INTERVIEW WITH F.G., ONLY HERE IN ABOUTPH > POLITICS & SOCIAL ISSUES.
AboutPH got an opportunity to interview it’s very first political analyst and writer, the Fat Gentleman (FG). †Yes the Fat Gentleman, who else? Why, who do you think we are interviewing? †The First Gentleman? Crap! †We can’t even get an interview with his dog, for crying out loud. But don’t worry we assure you that you will find this exclusive interview with our own FG as entertaining, if not as intriguing, as an interview with the other FG.
AboutPH: What made you decide to write for the Politics section of AboutPH?
Fat Gentleman (FG): I am not a writer and I have no illusions whatsoever, not even in my wildest dreams, that someday I will actually be asked to write. †So when I suddenly received an invitation from one of your editors to become one of your regular political columnists on your Website I immediately accepted. †I may never have a similar opportunity again.
AboutPH: (Whispers) Why was he invited to write a column if he isn’t a writer?
FG: †What was that?
AboutPH: †Ehem… Nothing. †What sort of stuff have you written about before?
FG: †(Looks up at the ceiling seemingly in deep thought) My goodness it was so long ago I can’t even recall?
AboutPH: †Why, when was the last time you have written about something?
FG: †In High School of course.
AboutPH: †OH!
Silence.
AboutPH: †(At a loss on how to proceed with the interview) So… What do you intend to write about in the Politics section of AboutPH?
FG: †That’s easy. †My favorite topic. Politics, of course.
- The Fat Gentleman
AboutPH: †So you believe you have a good grasp of our country’s political situation?
FG: † (Peeved) Are you trying to insult my intelligence…
AboutPH: †No of course not, I am very…
FG: †I sit in front of the TV more than 12 hours a day. †I read 3 broadsheets from cover to cover every day. I still manage to tune in to DZMM, DZBB and DZRH when in the toilet.
AboutPH: †Wow that’s impressive!
FG: †So don’t ever ask me stupid questions again!
AboutPH: †Ok… Err… Are you also what they call a street parliamentarian?
FG: †Are you kidding? †With my size do you think I can keep up with those flag-waving and foul-mouthed youngsters? †I am a self-styled online parliamentarian. †Or I will be, now that I have been invited to write for your Website.
AboutPH: †So who among our politicians are your favorite “targets”?
FG: †FG and PGMA of course.
AboutPH: †Why FG?
FG: †Why not?
AboutPH: †Ah… Err…
FG: †He is my namesake that’s why. †And we are both†fatsos. He reminds me of what I hate the most about myself.
AboutPH: †And PGMA?
FG: †That’s rather easy. †It’s easy not to like PGMA.†Pandak,†ngongo, and her face evokes only bad vibes…
AboutPH: †That is why you hate her?
FG: †I never said I hate her. †Don’t put words on my mouth!
AboutPH: †Sorry…
FG: †I don’t like her, that’s all. Everybody says she’s corrupt, too.
AboutPH: †Do you think she is corrupt?
FG: †It doesn’t matter what I think. †But yes I think she is corrupt.
AboutPH: †What do you think about Charter Change?
FG: †P—– I–!!!
AboutPH: †Amm… I’m sorry FG but you can’t swear…
FG: †The hell I can’t! P—– I–! I can’t help it. †My blood pressure shoots up everytime the topic of chacha is brought up.
AboutPH: Ok I guess you have answered my question more than enough. †What do you think will happen in 2010?
FG: †I’ll be fifty years old. Oh my God I’ll be fifty years old already in 2010!
AboutPH: †I mean what do you think will happen during the 2010 elections?
FG? †Why we will go out and vote and elect a new president.
AboutPH: †Ah ok… So who do you think will be our next president?
FG: † Most probably Erap. But really it’s quite too early to tell.
AboutPH: †In 3 words or less, tell us what you think about our would be presidentiables. Let’s start with Gibo Teodoro.
FG: † Gorgeous First Lady.
AboutPH: †Bayani Fernando.
FG: †Likuan U. Nakamamatay.
AboutPH: Huh?… Amm, Noli De Castro.
FG: †Hohum. †Too safe.
AboutPH: †Dick Gordon.
FG: †Blah, blah, blah. Blah. Sorry that’s a word too many.
AboutPH: †(Scratches head) Loren.
FG: †Flawless in backless.
AboutPH: †(Scratches head some more)†Chiz Escudero.
FG: †Falling panties.
AboutPH: †(Laughs out loud) Mar Roxas.
FG: †Ta-ka-ko
AboutPH: †What’s that?
FG: Ta-ka-ko. Takot Kay Korina.
AboutPH: (Laughs out louder) Manny Villar.
FG: S-T.
AboutPH: †Sipag at Tiyaga?
FG: †”Super Tycoon.” †”Siya Talaga” ang biggest contender. †Which makes him a “Sitting Target.”
AboutPH: Among Ed.
FG: Messainic Complex. Like Jesus Christ he’ll be crucified. †By the church no less, if I may add.
AboutPH: Jamby Madrigal
FG: †P—– I– !!!
AboutPH: Enough swearing FG. Our website will be shut down even before we can take off. Let’s talk about your writing career.
FG: I told you, my writing career is just starting. Thanks for the invitation to write on your website.
AboutPH: Who is your role model as a political analyst and writer.
FG: †Billy Esposo.
AboutPH: Any particular reason?
FG: We both hate PGMA. Hate FG even more. And we are both huge.
AboutPH: Huge what?
FG: †Huge.†Fatso. Obese. Are you happy now?
AboutPH: Oh… That “huge”?
FG: Yes. He can wreck a chair with his butt, and so can I.
AboutPH: I’m afraid I have used up my allotted time for our interview. Any parting words?
FG: (Farts)
AboutPH: Well I guess that says it all. Thanks for your time FG. And we look forward to your articles in the Politics section of AboutPH.
FG: The pleasure is mine. (farts one mire time)
End of exclusive interview.
